So long one waited,
So long one cried,
If only you were there..... to wipe that tear off my eye.
So long one dreamt,
So long one hoped,
If only you could realise & be a little less self soaked.
So long one expected,
So long one accepted,
The truth & the lies & everything between the folds.
So long one lives on,
So lone one still dies,
If only you knew what am living inside......
The same coin with two different sides!
So long one suffers,
So long one still enjoys,
What’s the difference when,
The one wiping your tears is the one who makes you cry.
So long one stil waits..................
So long one still hopes...............
Hopelessly in love still, so long one goes!!!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Orgasm Redefined!
My 15year old sister, Siddhi was going through the latest issue of Cosmo, and came across the "O" word. Orgasm!
With mush enthusiasm she asked me,"Tai, What is an orgasm? How can you feel it? How does it feel like? Shooting questions back to back, it took time for me to first hear n comprehend what she was saying and then to get back to my senses to answer her queries. Well, a little diplomatically though.
With sex education classes in almost every school n college on full spree, she definitely knew how one could achieve the big 'O'! But maybe, she wanted to hear it out from me n see how much I knew (the hunky dory details i guess!) or mayb just watch me go red.
With so many thoughts in my head, I watched her pupils dilate with curiosity and the wicked smirk on her face. Siddhi shook me and got me out of my thought world. "Tai tell me…how does it feel like?" I asked myself, how does it feel like exactly? (Even if I did, it wasnt for her to know.) I answered," I don't know!" with a straight face and got annoyed. "How m I supposed to know? Go ask mom." I should have been helpful and nice to her but the question kept me thinking for no reason what so ever. I remember mom telling me once, "It's like a sense u cannot describe. You cannot explain the taste of a mango; you yourself have to taste it to know it, to relish it! Its this spur of moment where all the senses of the body are diminished. It's a divine feeling….close to God while you're living. Your brain activity is nil for that time which never happens in a human body" Mom being a doctor got into the technicalities of it but only then a mother softly spoke, "Samu, but most importantly, it's a sacred union of a male and a female. Its the act of love and sharing love between them." Feeling a bit awkward now, I faked a thirst attack and put an end to the conversation.
So, it's a feeling I thought…..a divine one at that!! My brain was working over time over the subject when I just realised I had to meet up Akhil at the movies by 5.45. It was already 5…..Akhil being the punctual kinds; it was hard keeping up to "His Time". Getting ready in a jiffy, I rushed to the theatre, praying he gets late. And there I was waiting, with no trace of him around. I am on time for a change and ready to give him a taste of "his" punctuality. But it'd been quite some time since I was standing, thinking...... Maybe he was late on purpose, may be he wanted me to go through the utter joy of boredom waiting for someone endlessly......Just the way I make him….all the time. I was fuming with those thoughts frying my brain, when a small boy with torn clothes managed to grab my attention. There were other beggar children around too, some rejoicing over the amount of money they'd collected, some pestering the people waiting outside the theatre and some plainly being children, playing and fooling around. This particular child was no different but he did seem one. He had this awfully miserable look on his face unlike others. He looked sick. He had yellow eyes, even his skin and nails were yellow…he looked pale. Terribly Jaundicised! He approached me and asked for some money. I stood there staring at him. Pitying him and questioning the law of nature. What had this 10-12year old ever done to anyone that he has to go through all this? And Zap came an answer from within "Everyone is not as lucky as you Samu! Cherish it!" The boy asked for money again, forcing me out of my thought world. I got on my knees and told him, "I won't give you any money but u look sick. I'll take you to the hospital and pay for your treatment. Will buy you food and admit you to a school, take care of the fees too. I promise you I could do that if you trust me." He looked at me with an array of expressions. And I always thought I was 'The Confused One' all the time. I guess he was apprehensive about trusting a stranger. I asked him again. He stared back and shook his head. He said he can't trust an outsider. He can't trust anyone around him. Not even his parents. His eyes were moist when he was telling me that his friends had fallen prey to such temptations, rather requirements and he never got to see them again. Of what he'd heard, some of them were sold overseas to perverts while some are being sexually exploited in the country itself. There was nothing he could do to help them but he didn't want to be one of them. He said he didn't know if I was among the good people or bad but he preferred living his life his way…even if it meant dying hungry on the streets.
That moment I felt helpless. Helpless towards myself, helpless towards the pathetic state of some people who spoil the whole society, helpless for the little jaundicised boy, whose name I didn't know but felt for him nothing less than a brother. This time I was not only confused but was raging with anger ….why do some people kill humanity off from other people's heart?
I saw the boy walking away from me, looking at me mysteriously. I had mellowed but was also satisfied that I'd asked to help him. Something inside told me that I was not going to give up and this was just the beginning. Beginning of something…..I can't explain…..!! Something…..Phenomenal!! I felt good about what I did. My conscience patted my back and wished if only 5 of every 10 people out there could embrace the negativity around with open arms and kill it. Suddenly, the word orgasm struck me. It's a divine feeling. Feeling of a sacred union, in my case of me with my inner self. And sharing love........with humanity. Maybe I did have my first tiny little orgasm. And while I was just moving onto winning the crown and being titled in my thought world, someone called out, "Samu…."I turned around flashing my pearls and embraced him (for the moment) with open arms. Thanking him for being late and for my little orgasm.
With mush enthusiasm she asked me,"Tai, What is an orgasm? How can you feel it? How does it feel like? Shooting questions back to back, it took time for me to first hear n comprehend what she was saying and then to get back to my senses to answer her queries. Well, a little diplomatically though.
With sex education classes in almost every school n college on full spree, she definitely knew how one could achieve the big 'O'! But maybe, she wanted to hear it out from me n see how much I knew (the hunky dory details i guess!) or mayb just watch me go red.
With so many thoughts in my head, I watched her pupils dilate with curiosity and the wicked smirk on her face. Siddhi shook me and got me out of my thought world. "Tai tell me…how does it feel like?" I asked myself, how does it feel like exactly? (Even if I did, it wasnt for her to know.) I answered," I don't know!" with a straight face and got annoyed. "How m I supposed to know? Go ask mom." I should have been helpful and nice to her but the question kept me thinking for no reason what so ever. I remember mom telling me once, "It's like a sense u cannot describe. You cannot explain the taste of a mango; you yourself have to taste it to know it, to relish it! Its this spur of moment where all the senses of the body are diminished. It's a divine feeling….close to God while you're living. Your brain activity is nil for that time which never happens in a human body" Mom being a doctor got into the technicalities of it but only then a mother softly spoke, "Samu, but most importantly, it's a sacred union of a male and a female. Its the act of love and sharing love between them." Feeling a bit awkward now, I faked a thirst attack and put an end to the conversation.
So, it's a feeling I thought…..a divine one at that!! My brain was working over time over the subject when I just realised I had to meet up Akhil at the movies by 5.45. It was already 5…..Akhil being the punctual kinds; it was hard keeping up to "His Time". Getting ready in a jiffy, I rushed to the theatre, praying he gets late. And there I was waiting, with no trace of him around. I am on time for a change and ready to give him a taste of "his" punctuality. But it'd been quite some time since I was standing, thinking...... Maybe he was late on purpose, may be he wanted me to go through the utter joy of boredom waiting for someone endlessly......Just the way I make him….all the time. I was fuming with those thoughts frying my brain, when a small boy with torn clothes managed to grab my attention. There were other beggar children around too, some rejoicing over the amount of money they'd collected, some pestering the people waiting outside the theatre and some plainly being children, playing and fooling around. This particular child was no different but he did seem one. He had this awfully miserable look on his face unlike others. He looked sick. He had yellow eyes, even his skin and nails were yellow…he looked pale. Terribly Jaundicised! He approached me and asked for some money. I stood there staring at him. Pitying him and questioning the law of nature. What had this 10-12year old ever done to anyone that he has to go through all this? And Zap came an answer from within "Everyone is not as lucky as you Samu! Cherish it!" The boy asked for money again, forcing me out of my thought world. I got on my knees and told him, "I won't give you any money but u look sick. I'll take you to the hospital and pay for your treatment. Will buy you food and admit you to a school, take care of the fees too. I promise you I could do that if you trust me." He looked at me with an array of expressions. And I always thought I was 'The Confused One' all the time. I guess he was apprehensive about trusting a stranger. I asked him again. He stared back and shook his head. He said he can't trust an outsider. He can't trust anyone around him. Not even his parents. His eyes were moist when he was telling me that his friends had fallen prey to such temptations, rather requirements and he never got to see them again. Of what he'd heard, some of them were sold overseas to perverts while some are being sexually exploited in the country itself. There was nothing he could do to help them but he didn't want to be one of them. He said he didn't know if I was among the good people or bad but he preferred living his life his way…even if it meant dying hungry on the streets.
That moment I felt helpless. Helpless towards myself, helpless towards the pathetic state of some people who spoil the whole society, helpless for the little jaundicised boy, whose name I didn't know but felt for him nothing less than a brother. This time I was not only confused but was raging with anger ….why do some people kill humanity off from other people's heart?
I saw the boy walking away from me, looking at me mysteriously. I had mellowed but was also satisfied that I'd asked to help him. Something inside told me that I was not going to give up and this was just the beginning. Beginning of something…..I can't explain…..!! Something…..Phenomenal!! I felt good about what I did. My conscience patted my back and wished if only 5 of every 10 people out there could embrace the negativity around with open arms and kill it. Suddenly, the word orgasm struck me. It's a divine feeling. Feeling of a sacred union, in my case of me with my inner self. And sharing love........with humanity. Maybe I did have my first tiny little orgasm. And while I was just moving onto winning the crown and being titled in my thought world, someone called out, "Samu…."I turned around flashing my pearls and embraced him (for the moment) with open arms. Thanking him for being late and for my little orgasm.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
YOU ?!?!
Life has a meaning.
It sure does…. only cuz you don’t see what lies behindclosed doors or cant read between lines doesn’t mean there’s nothing to it. Some out there know what I m talking about and those who don’t….don’t botheryourself. You’re stuck in a rut and don’t have the will to visualize the future or analyze the present.
Sometimes, as you’re just lying watching the mosaic of water soaked paint on the ceiling or plainly chilling sipping some chilled beer, you realize your mind’s capacity. As in suddenly you’d want to reach out to new levels or various aspects of life and conquer the world. Shout out to the world you’re the best and prove it to everyone. Some go ahead and make a move…some just wait to finish the can and move on for the next.
And sometimes again you find yourself in the same situation…. chilling and lazing........ and your mind’s as stagnant as still water. It just refuses to move its butt. Its like you’re alive when you’re not and no one else knows it except you. Some go ahead and tell the world they’re dead, convincing everyone how dead one can get………….while the others just enjoy. Enjoy feeling dead. You don’t have to answer anyone or give an explanation. It’s like living like “The DEAD”. There’re two sides to oneself, two sides to life, two sides to observing and two sides to concluding. The world would claim they know you and couldn’t care less.
Sometimes you surprise yourself. The one hidden inside crops out and you wonder if its really you. Do you know yourself or you’re just waiting to be explored. Not by anyone else but YOU. Being with oneself can not only do wonders for others but yourself too.It’s an unknown feeling, a trip, the love for someone inside you wanting to come out but never does.
Reconnection with someone you know but never been with. It’s a beauty. Mind you, narcissism is not what m dealing with here but jus interacting with myself in a different way.....sometimes...if not everyday!!
It sure does…. only cuz you don’t see what lies behindclosed doors or cant read between lines doesn’t mean there’s nothing to it. Some out there know what I m talking about and those who don’t….don’t botheryourself. You’re stuck in a rut and don’t have the will to visualize the future or analyze the present.
Sometimes, as you’re just lying watching the mosaic of water soaked paint on the ceiling or plainly chilling sipping some chilled beer, you realize your mind’s capacity. As in suddenly you’d want to reach out to new levels or various aspects of life and conquer the world. Shout out to the world you’re the best and prove it to everyone. Some go ahead and make a move…some just wait to finish the can and move on for the next.
And sometimes again you find yourself in the same situation…. chilling and lazing........ and your mind’s as stagnant as still water. It just refuses to move its butt. Its like you’re alive when you’re not and no one else knows it except you. Some go ahead and tell the world they’re dead, convincing everyone how dead one can get………….while the others just enjoy. Enjoy feeling dead. You don’t have to answer anyone or give an explanation. It’s like living like “The DEAD”. There’re two sides to oneself, two sides to life, two sides to observing and two sides to concluding. The world would claim they know you and couldn’t care less.
Sometimes you surprise yourself. The one hidden inside crops out and you wonder if its really you. Do you know yourself or you’re just waiting to be explored. Not by anyone else but YOU. Being with oneself can not only do wonders for others but yourself too.It’s an unknown feeling, a trip, the love for someone inside you wanting to come out but never does.
Reconnection with someone you know but never been with. It’s a beauty. Mind you, narcissism is not what m dealing with here but jus interacting with myself in a different way.....sometimes...if not everyday!!
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